Forgiveness

I have spent the better part of this week wallowing. I've been feeling sorry for myself because my feelings were hurt by some careless, albeit rude words spoken to me a few days ago. I knew immediately that Jesus would as me to "turn the other cheek" and I made a fairly lame attempt to do so. I spent a lot of time regaling other friends with my "tail of woe" and as most good friends would do they shared my outrage and offered words of support, which I greatly appreciated. One would think that I would feel uplifted by their support, yet I was trapped in this awful place, reveling in the misery and toxicity of anger and self pity. It's as if I was a child, lashing out and having a temper tantrum because my feelings were hurt! There are times when anger has it's place. Yet in this instance it was misguided. In retrospect, the original insult seems so pathetically small!

I have only been hurting my self. My conscious kept niggling at me, telling me I was off track and that I needed to let it go. It was time to remember that I'm an adult and to act like one! I prayed to Jesus and to Our Blessed Mother for help. All prayers are answered, in God's own way. I was praying about something else that was causing me great concern... alternating between Hail Mary's and The Lord's Prayer. As I said the words of the "Our Father" I suddenly got a mental jolt. It's hard to describe the sensation... I was whispering the prayer:

Our Father who art in heaven,

hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come.

Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread,

and forgive us our trespasses,

as we forgive those who trespass against us,

and lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from evil.

Matthew 6:9-13

As I got to the words:

and forgive us our trespasses,

as we forgive those who trespass against us,

I knew... I knew that my prayer had been answered and that God was letting me know what I needed to know. As I pondered this, I suddenly realized that all that negative energy inside of me was fading.. and fading fast. Suddenly all that was left was peace, and that sensation was awesome. I hadn't expected to get an answer to my former prayer while praying about something different, but I did!

Luckily, I was paying attention this time! And all the pouting, the need to plot and to plan on how "I'll show them" are clearly a waste of time and completely not necessary!

God of Love,

I thank You for the people in my life

who are easy to love.

I thank You for my family and friends

who understand my actions,

who support me in my decisions,

and whose presence can lift the burden of a thorny day.

Help me with those who are difficult to love.

When they come at me with criticism

and wild expectations,

when they ignore me

or try to bend me to their will,

let me recognize their flaws and their dangers.

But then let me remember your attitude toward them,

and lead me to see them

in the light of Your love.

Amen.