Thursday, April 03, 2008

A Clever Rendition of The Lord's Prayer

Rather cleverly done. I got this and thought to pass it along...
This is in two parts, the prayer in regular type and God’s response in indented and boldface italics type.
Our Father Who Art In Heaven.


Don't interrupt me. I'm praying.

But -- you called ME!

Called you?
No, I didn't call you.
I'm praying.
Our Father who art in Heaven.

There -- you did it again!

Did what!?

Called ME.
You said,
'Our Father who art in Heaven'
Well, here I am.
What's on your mind?

But I didn't mean anything by it.
I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day.
I always say the Lord's Prayer.
It makes me feel good,
kind of like fulfilling a duty.

Well, all right.
Go on.

Okay, Hallowed be thy name .

Hold it right there.
What do you mean by that?

By what?

By 'Hallowed be thy name'?

It means, it means... good grief,
I don't know what it means.
How in the world should I know?
It's just a part of the prayer...
By the way, what does it mean?

It means honored, holy, and wonderful.

Hey, that makes sense.
I never thought about what 'hallowed' meant before.


Thy Kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in Heaven.

Do you really mean that?

Sure, why not?

What are you doing about it?

Doing? Why, nothing, I guess.
I just think it would be kind of neat if you got
control, of everything down here like you have up
there. We’re kind of in a mess down here you know.

Yes, I know;
but, have I got control of you?

Well, I go to church.

That isn't what I asked you.
What about your bad temper?
You've really got a problem there, you know.
And then there's the way you spend your money --
all on yourself.
And what about the kind of books you read?

Now hold on just a minute!
Stop picking on me!
I'm just as good as some of the rest of those
People at church!

Excuse ME.
I thought you were praying
for my will to be done.
If that is to happen,
it will have to start with the ones
who are praying for it.
Like you -- for example...

Oh, all right. I guess I do have some hang-ups.
Now that you mention it,
I could probably name some others.

So could I;

I haven't thought about it very much until now,
but I really would like to cut out some of those things.
I would like to, you know, be really free.

Now we're getting somewhere. We'll work together -- You and ME.
I'm proud of You.

Look, Lord, if you don't mind,
I need to finish up here.
This is taking a lot longer than it usually does.
Give us this day, our daily bread.

You need to cut out the bread.
You're overweight as it is.

Hey, wait a minute! What is this?
Here I was doing my religious duty,
and all of a sudden you break in
and remind me of all my hang-ups.

Praying is a dangerous thing.
You just might get what you ask for.
you called ME -- and here I am.
It's too late to stop now...
Keep praying. (pause... )
Well, go on.

I'm scared to.

Scared? Of what?

I know what you'll say.

Try ME.

Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us..

What about Ann?

See? I knew it!
I knew you would bring her up!
Why, Lord, she's told lies about me, spread stories.
She never paid back the money she owes me.
I've sworn to get even with her!

But -- your prayer --
What about your prayer?

I didn't -- mean it.

Well, at least you're honest.
But, it's quite a load carrying around all that bitterness
and resentment isn't it?

Yes, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even with her.
Boy, have I got some plans for her.
She'll wish she had never been born.

No, you won't feel any better.
You'll feel worse.
Revenge isn't sweet.
You know how unhappy you are --
Well, I can change that.

You can? How?

Forgive Ann.
Then, I'll forgive you;
And the hate and the sin,
will be Ann's problem -- not yours.
You will have settled the problem
as far as you are concerned.

Oh, you know, you're right.
You always are...
And more than I want revenge,
I want to be right with You... (Sigh).
All right all right…
I forgive her.

There now!
How do you feel?

Hmmmm... Well, not bad.
Not bad at all!
In fact, I feel pretty great!
You know, I don't think I'll go to bed uptight tonight.
I haven't been getting much rest, you know.

Yeah, I know.
But, you're not through with your prayer are you? Go on.

Oh, all right.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

Good! Good! I'll do that.
Just don't put yourself in a place
where you can be tempted.

What do you mean by that?

You know what I mean.

Yeah. I know.

Go ahead. Finish your prayer.

For Thine is the kingdom,
and the power,
and the glory forever.

Do you know what would bring me glory?
What would really make me happy?

No, but I'd like to know.
I want to please you now.
I've really made a mess of things.
I want to truly follow you.
I can see now how great that would be.
So, tell me . . .
How do I make you happy?

YOU just did!

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Belated Easter Greetings


Hello to all my friends. All is well with me, and I hope and pray that all is well with you. I have been away from here for far too long, and an update is long past due!!!!

My time in the past few weeks has been divided between my journey of faith and issues with my Mother. As many of you know, I have been in the process of becoming Catholic. I am thrilled to say that I received the Sacraments of Confirmation and was accepted in to full communion by the Roman Catholic Church during Easter Vigil! I cannot begin to describe what this was like. The joy in my heart is purely indescribable. Never before in my life have I embraced the experiences and traditions of Holy Week as I did this year.

On the Saturday before Palm Sunday, I made my first "Confession". This is something that I thought I would dread... and while I was nervous, and anxious, it was a powerful experience, and I couldn't believe that when it was over, that I didn't really want to leave! The next day was Palm Sunday. Russell was camping with his troop, and they go to Mass on Saturday afternoons. So I went with my Mother Inlaw. The Passion was read, and it was incredibly moving.

On Tuesday, we drove down to the Saint Peter In Chains Cathedral in Cincinnati to attend the Chrism Mass, where Archbishop Daniel Pilarczyk blessed the sacred oils. The Mass of Chrism is celebrated once a year. It is always celebrated at the cathedral and is one of the most solemn and significant liturgies of our church. During the Mass, the bishop blesses the oil of catechumens, the oil of the sick, and the oil of chrism. The first is used for for adult catechumens and infants, the second for anointing the sick, and the sacred oil of chrism for baptism, confirmation, the ordination of priests, and the consecration of altars. All three are basically an olive oil; chrism spices the air with the scent of a perfume, traditionally balsam. The music was sung by the Athenaeum Chorale and was spectacular! This was definitely worth driving through torrential downpours through rush hour traffic. I am hoping to be able to go again next year.

The next day was spent dealing with our flooded basement. We got about 4 inches of rain in less than 24 hours. It was a mess, but suffered from no major damage. Our backs ached, but it was kind of a good experience. From listening to the news, it was clear that we got off easy. We only had water in our basement, and not sewage. Russell and I worked well together... there was no bickering... and we actually managed to laugh and joke around a bit.

Russell and I attended the Mass of The Lord's Supper on Holy Thursday. I attended the service on Good Friday and then we attended a prayer service on Saturday Morning, followed by a rehearsal. And then, the big moment came.... Easter Vigil!

It began at 9 pm. I was very grateful to have dear friends and family there to celebrate this moment with me. It was long, but truly amazing. A night that I will never forget. And at the end, I was officially Catholic! Words can't describe what it was to receive Communion for the first time!! And the scent of the oil stayed with me all through the night. I'd wake up and smell it, and would smile and fade back to sleep!