Missing my Mother...

Many moons have passed since my last post last October.  And much has happened.  I've not had the heart or energy to blog about the death of my Mother on November 11, 2012.  Yet with Mother's Day approaching, and all the reminders about celebrating Mom's, I'm compelled to finally write this.

Her death was a blessing, to be sure.  And it is a comfort to know that she was no longer afraid... she smiled everytime we prayed with her during those last weeks.  That in itself was worth everything, because she had been so fearful.  We are so thankful to Pastor Steve Becker and to the Chaplains from Hospice.  They helped her so very very much.  And thankfully, she is finally free from the terrible pain that she suffered from for so very long.

The staff at Oak Creek Terrace, the nurses and aides, led by Carla Becker from Hospice of Greater Dayton were fabulous.  Our family is so incredibly grateful to them for the care and support they gave to Mother, and to all of us.

Watching her slip away that last day was difficult.  I couldn't bear to leave her side, yet I wanted to escape.  We played music for her, especially her favorite: "Somewhere" by Barbra Streisand.  She adored that song, and begged us to play it for her when she was on her deathbed.  And we did.  It was difficult, but it's what she wanted, and we were determined to do anything for her.  We planned her her memorial service, and I think she would have been pleased.  Pastor Steve presided, and we had traditional readings and music.  And we included some other things that I know in my heart would have pleased her very much.  We played "Somewhere" by Barbra Streisand at the end of the service and there were bowls of Milky Way bars for people to enjoy.  Milky Way bars were Mother's favorite, and the main staple of her diet for the last couple of years.  And now that's she's free, I'm sure she's in heaven, soaring freely along the milky way!

From Mother's Funeral:

Memorial Service for Julia Chace Fisher Garretson

Monday, November 19th, 2012, 2:00 p.m.

Woodland Cemetery Mausoleum Chapel

Dayton, Ohio

Pastor Stephan E. Becker - Officiating

Obituary

Julia Garretson, age 81, died at Oak Creek Terrace in Kettering, Ohio, on Sunday, November 12, 2012.

Born April 30, 1931, in Dayton, Ohio, she attended Oakwood High School and graduated from The Masters School, Dobb's Ferry, New York in 1950. She also attended Mount Vernon College in Washington, DC.  She was a loving and devoted mother and grandmother who will be greatly missed by all who knew her.  She was preceded in death by her parents, her husband, Jack S. Garretson and her sister, Elizabeth F. Bruce. Julia is survived by her daughters, Annie G. (Russell) Milliron and Lilli G. (Philip) Lingle; grandchildren, Garretson C. Lingle and Logan D. Lingle; cousin, Anthony Haswell and many nieces and nephews.

The family would like to thank the staff of Oak Creek Terrace for their loving and compassionate care of Julia.  Memorial contributions may be made to Hospice of Dayton, 324 Wilmington Ave., Dayton, OH 45420 or the Humane Society of Greater Dayton, 1661 Nicholas Rd., Dayton, OH 45417.

Irish Blessing

May the road rise to meet you,

may the wind be ever at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

and the rains fall soft upon your fields.

And until we meet again,

may God hold you in the palm of his hand.

Order of Service

Prelude……………………………………...……“Be Not Afraid” ………………………………………………....“Here I Am Lord” ……………………………………………….“On Eagle’s Wings”

……………………………………………….“The Lord’s Prayer”

Readings

……………………………….Ecclesiastes 3:1-11, Russell Milliron

………………………………………..Romans 5:5-11, Mary Clark

……………………………..Romans 8:31-39, Garretson C. Lingle

Gospel

……………………………John 14:1-6, Pastor Stephan E. Becker

Eulogy…………………………………Pastor Stephan E. Becker

Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Recessional……………………“Somewhere” By Barbra Streisand and “I will see you in my dreams” by Joe Brown

I miss her.  I miss her desperately.  Knowing this, admitting this, would make her smile, and most likely say something like "I told you so".  And that's ok.. because she would be right. I don't want to be maudlin... I don't feel maudlin.  There's an underlying sadness, but it doesn't consume me.  When it wells up, I let it out.  We're going to the cemetery this weekend with flowers.  It's been awhile, and that's ok.  Because she's not really there.  But we'll take flowers and make it pretty... she'd like that!

I love you Mother.  You are in my heart today, and always.  Happy Mother's Day

“Missing” Seasons....

As we were driving in to work this morning, I saw a tweet this morning that said “re-tweet if you are going to miss summer”. When I saw this, a couple of things occurred to me.

First of all, I can’t imagine missing the horrific heat, the drought, the fluctuating gas prices, the campaign slurs that have been going on for what seems like an eternity. There were definitely good things about this summer… time off, travel, festivals, time spent with family and friends, etc.

Second, it is so easy for us to lament things that are gone, and worry about the unknown future. It’s so much healthier to just focus on this day- because it’s all that we have… really. Just this very minute is all that we have. So why waste it on lamenting about days gone by, or what the future holds.

I realize that this is easier said than done! We can look back, and smile at the happy memories, take lessons from our struggles and failures, and try and move on. And that’s all well and good, but what got me about that tweet was a sort of rigid stubbornness, a determination to miss summer and miss out on the season that is now surrounding us. Autumn! Autumn is a glorious time. Yes, I realize the days are shorter, and the nights are Cold. Frost will soon cover our yards, our plants. We’ll have to make extra time to scrape our windows each morning. Yet instead of focusing on the negatives of the changing season, why not embrace the day? Why don’t we try to find the good in things rather than the bad? It’s so easy to be negative. Lord knows, I am guilty of this. And I guess that’s why that tweet caught my attention this morning! Summer is gone… it had its highs and lows, but it’s gone. It’s time to move on… to make the most of each day. And most of all, to count our blessings!

As for us…

As with everyone, life has been full of challenges and blessings… and by the grace of God, we’re doing well.

In closing, I’d like to share a lovely prayer I found on another blog. The link to that blog is below.

O God of Creation, you have blessed us with the changing of the seasons.

As we embrace these autumn months,

May the earlier setting of the sun

remind us to take time to rest.

May the crunch of the leaves beneath our feet

remind us of the brevity of this earthly life.

May the steam of our breath in the cool air

remind us that it is you who give us your breath of life.

May the scurrying of the squirrels and the migration of the birds

remind us that you call us to follow your will.

We praise you for your goodness forever and ever. Amen

http://www.catholicfamilyfaith.com/2009/11/autumn-prayer.html

Stay here and keep watch with me

Lo Spagna

Today is Holy Thursday, also known as Maundy Thursday. And tonight, I attended the Mass of the Lords Supper. The bulletin reads "On this most Holy Night, we enter the three days of the Paschal Triduum, celebrating the Paschal Mystery of the Lord's passion, death and resurrection... This evening, the primary symbols of our celebration are the washing of the feet and the sharing of the Eucharist".

Jesus gives us so much. He never lets us down. He loves us so much that he died for us on the cross. He asks very little of us... other than:

“You shall love the Lord, your God,

with all your heart, with all your being,

with all your strength, and with all your mind,

and your neighbor as yourself.”

Luke 10:27

So after he had washed the feet of the disciples, knowing that one would betray him and that another would deny him three times, after he shared his Last Supper with his disciples, and introduced them to the Eucharist.

Take this, all of you, and eat of it:

for this is my body which will be given up for you.

Take this, all of you, and drink from it:

for this is the chalice of my blood,

the blood of the new and eternal covenant.

which will be poured out for you and for many

for the forgiveness of sins .

Do this in memory of me.

The music at tonight's Mass was breathtakingly beautiful. The last hymn of the Mass was "Stay Here and Keep Watch" After they finished their Passover dinner, Jesus and his disciples adjourned to the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus was anxious and distraught and needed to prepare himself for his impending death. He asked his disciples to

"Stay, here, and keep watch with me.

The hour has come.

Stay, here, and keep watch with me.

Watch and Pray."

Yet they slept. Most likely they didn't understand what was about to happen. Discovering that they had fallen asleep, Jesus called to them, trying to wake them but they could not stay awake. They let him down... in his greatest time of need. I have to wonder how many times, I've failed a family member or a friend in their time of need. I'm sure I have, as I'm sure most of us have. We get so caught up with our own needs and wants... our own problems, that there are times we neglect a friend. It doesn't mean that they didn't care, or they didn't love them. It just means that they were weak... just as we are weak. And yet Jesus loved them, despite their failing him, he loved them still. Alone, He turned to his Father and prayed alone. An Angel came to him and comforted him.

After the closing hymn, "Stay Here and Keep Watch", there is no formal dismissal. The altar is quietly stripped and people slowly leave. Yet there are others who remain, staying and keeping watch with Jesus. I stayed for awhile, and thought about the Agony I the Garden.

I have this holy card in my Missal. I am drawn to it. It makes me uncomfortable (in a good way). It reminds of of how much Jesus loves us, how much he suffered for us. And most importantly, it reminds me that even though we fail Jesus every day, just as the Disciples failed Him in the garden... that He loves us, He forgives us... and He is with us always. And when we suffer, He understands our pain and sorrow, because he suffered so for us. It makes me want to strive to be better... to not fail Him... to be their for my loved ones, because in doing so, I'm there for Him.

Amen

Springtime Blessings

Springtime Greetings!

Hi everyone, it’s been awhile! I guess you could say that I’ve been in hibernation over the last couple of months! Things are well. We’ve been enjoying a beautiful spring here in this part of the country. Blossoms and their sweet fragrances are abundant. Because we had such a mild winter, everything bloomed early and seemingly, all at once! This gave us dazzling displays of color!

Not to be out done, the night skies have been amazing. Over the past few weeks, we’ve been treated to awesome views of the planets Venus and Jupiter. Russell got out our spotting scoping and we were even able to see the 4 Galilean moons of Jupiter!

This abundant spring, all the glory of God’s earth is a good reminder of what this Easter season is all about. New life is blooming and seems to herald something greater than the just the cacophony of birdsong and blossoms- most certainly the resurrection of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

We are in the midst of Holy Week and will soon be celebrating the Easter Triduum (the summit of the liturgical year, to celebrate the central mystery of faith: the passion, death and resurrection of Christ).

Unconditional love...

This new life, this new beginning, enables us to start over, to act differently. We are loved passionately by Jesus. By suffering and dying on the cross, He took away our sins. Knowing this, makes me want to act better… to grow and be a better person. This is definitely easier said than done, because we are human, and we make mistakes. The good news is… is that we are loved by God the Father, who is a gracious and merciful God!

Confession is good for the soul….

Just yesterday, I saw a funny picture on Facebook with the saying: “Your beliefs don’t make you a better person, your behavior does!” Immediately, I grinned and thought of several of people that I would like to show this to- people whose behavior grates on my nerves… people who I think need to realize the error of their ways. I was on my high horse, and it wasn’t until several hours later, that I realized what a pompous arse I was for even thinking that. I was guilty of bad behavior and was not being a good person. Instead of focusing on others, it’s evident that I need to focus on my own behavior. I felt so ashamed, and rightly so.

This is such a good reminder that even those with the best of intentions can go astray in a heartbeat. Focus and diligence is necessary, as is the knowledge that when we mess up, it’s not the end of the world. There is always the possibility of a new beginning… a new day… rebirth. All because Jesus Christ died on the cross for us, so that our sins would be forgiven. In closing, I’d like to share this Lenten prayer that I found. And even though Lent is almost over, it’s good food for thought for the entire year:

A Lenten Prayer

Fast from judging others; feast on Christ in them.
Fast from wanting more; feast on being thankful.
Fast from anger; feast on patience.
Fast from worry; feast on trust.
Fast from complaining; feast on enjoyment.
Fast from negatives; feast on positives.
Fast from stress; feast on prayer.
Fast from anger; feast on forgiveness.
Fast from self-concern; feast on compassion for others.
Fast from fear; feast on truth.
Fast from discouragement; feast on hope.
Fast from gossip; feast on silence.
Fast from fighting; feast on peace.

Gentle God, during this season of fasting and feasting, gift us with your presence
so we can be a gift to others in carrying out your work. Amen.

--Adapted from A Lenten Prayer by William Arthur Ward

It is my wish for each of you that you have a blessed and joyous Easter. May God bless one and all. Amen

Like Snowflakes Falling from the sky....

So when you are having a crabby day, and feel at odds with the entire world, doesn’t it drive you batty when someone cheerfully chirps something like “you should count your blessings” or “every cloud has a silver lining”? There are times when I don’t want to be cheered up… when I just want to wallow in self-pity. Admittedly, as I write this, I am in a good mood. So I’m looking at things from a “glass half full” view rather than a “glass half empty”. This year has not been without its challenges. Yet even during the worst moments, it wasn't hard to recognize that despite all the anxiety and troubles, there were many blessings as well. In realizing that, I have become much more aware of every day blessings… and am getting much better in counting them and being grateful for them!

Some of my recent blessings:

Our upcoming office move- something that nobody is happy about or looking forward to and have been somewhat resentful of! The reality is, however, that we’re not moving out of our building… we’re merely moving across the hall! Other colleagues have recently moved to another building on campus, and after visiting them, it was very apparent that we were very lucky to be able to stay in the building we’re currently in!

With Christmas just around the corner, my church has adopted several families. In order to make sure that the children in these families received things that they needed and would be happy with, volunteers call each family and usually speak to the Mom. Hearing the tearful relief, joy and gratitude from each Mom was incredible. Several told me that if it wasn’t for the members our church, their children wouldn’t have a Christmas. They went on to say how blessed they were to have been adopted by our church. Yet I felt that we were the ones who were blessed… because this entire experience made it very apparent that we are blessed to have the resources and ability to reach out and help others.

Then there are the tidbits of time spent with my Mother… whose dementia is taking her from us. Yet periodically she can be quite clear, proving that she still is with us! I loving making her laugh, and sharing with her about my day. She can still comfort… and sometimes she is clear enough to remember that we were upset or worried about something… and in her maternal way still offers us loving support and concern. This means more now than ever. I could spend time wishing that I had appreciated her more “back in the day”. Instead, these moments are gifts… and they pack quite a meaningful punch!

The holidays bring with them frantic, frenzied schedules which we are apt to complain about. We have to be here, we have to be there; there is so much to get done and it seems never ending and at times impossible. It can be overwhelming. Yet hearing about others who have no one to spend Christmas with… or others whose families are spread around the globe, making it impossible to be together, make it very obvious that the fact that we can be with our families is a huge blessing that should not be taken for granted.

Our washing machine has been broken for some time. Eventually we’ll get around to repairing it… but I've learned that even though it’s a nuisance, going to the Laundromat and getting 4 loads of laundry done in less than two hours is pretty awesome!

This doesn't even cover the myriad of blessings that cross our paths every day, like snowflakes falling from the sky… too many to count, too many to recognize. Blessings like:

The wave of a friend from across the street * The snoring of three peacefully sleeping Newfs * The laughter of a baby in a restaurant * A message from a long lost friend on Facebook *A smile from a stranger * A student holding the door open when you have your hands full * Find gas for a ridiculously low price * Heat * Electricity * A good boss * A job * Driving around a night looking at Christmas lights * Chickadees greeting me each morning * The hoot of an owl at night * Starry Skies *

Again, there are so many that it’s impossible to list them all. No matter how big or how little a blessing may seem, the impact is the same. To know that we are blessed means so much. The important thing is awareness. Look for them. It’s not really that hard. And when you come across one, cherish it and then be sure to give thanks!

In closing, here is a prayer of thanksgiving that I found online (click here) :

For all You have given,

Thank You God.

For all You have withheld,

Thank You God.

For all You have withdrawn,

Thank You God.

For all You have permitted,

Thank You God.

For all You have prevented,

Thank You God.

For all You have forgiven me,

Thank You God.

For all You have prepared for me,

Thank You God.

For the death You have chosen for me,

Thank you God.

For the place you are keeping for me in heaven,

Thank You God.

For having created me to love You for eternity,

Thank You God.

Amen

Gaudete Sunday

Happy Third Week of Advent, also known as "Gaudete Sunday". On this day, we are to Rejoice, because the Lord is Near! Our hearts should be filled with Joy as we prepare for the coming of the Lord!

"Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thes.5: 16 - 24

Some may say "easier said than done...". And considering all the hustle and bustle of the season, that's understandable. Yet to have joyous, meaningful Christmas celebration, it's imperative to prepare for the way of the lord. It's imperative to set aside time for reflection and thanksgiving... for contrition, and yes, for rejoicing that the Lord is near! It is for this reason that the candle for the 3rd week of Advent is rose colored. This symbolizes joy in anticipation of the coming of Christ.

Of course this isn't always easy to do! We're all under an immense amount of pressure at this time of year. I am blessed in that I love being with my families. Yet there is still stress. For me the stress is the lack of time. It seems that we are always rushing. We hurry up to get somewhere, only to start watching the clock so that we're not late to the next place on our schedule. This is ridiculous! It's more important to be "present" and enjoy the company of the people we're with. Everything will get done... it always does. So stressing about it is a waste of time.

I have an 'app' on my Facebook page called "Message from God". Each day I receive a different message. Yesterday's message read:

"On this day of your life, Annie, we believe God wants you to know ... that a soft answer turns away wrath. When everyone around you seems to be in bad spirits, bickering and complaining, take a step back. It's so easy to answer in kind, but instead feel into your heart and answer gently. Let peace radiate from you."

What a beautiful reminder of 'how to be'. Practicing this in times of stress and clock-watching would be so awesome.. and would enable me to have a much nicer, peaceful celebration with my loved ones. After all, this is a season to Rejoice and not a season for anxiety and strife!

In closing, I'd like to share with you this wonderful video about the 3rd week of Advent:

May God bless each and every one of you. It is my prayer that all who read this have a joyous and blessed Christmas season.

Amen

Happy St. Nicholas Day!

Today is the feast of St. Nicholas! As a child, my family never celebrated St. Nicholas day. I remember hearing about some of our friends who did, and feeling envious of them. And in childlike wisdom, who wouldn't want to wake up to a stocking full of goodies on the morning? It was like a preview to all the toys and gifts we were going to receive on Christmas morning! I thought that St. Nicholas Day seemed to be a good idea! It would be a way to "tide us over"! Of course, in reflecting on the absence of participation in the Feast of St. Nicholas traditions, it's obvious at how secular my family's celebration has always been! After boldly suggesting that perhaps we should celebrate this, my Mother replied that it was a "Catholic thing", and since we weren't Catholic, then we didn't "do" St. Nicholas day.

So, ok. We weren't Catholic, and in reality I was probably past the age of believing that Santa really came down our chimney. Yet I still embraced the magic of Christmas. Curiously, when I learned that sad truth, my Mother sat me on her lap and explained about "the spirit of Santa

Claus" and how he really did exist, but that Mommy's and Daddy's helped him out. And once Christmas morning came, and there were still presents under the tree, any anxiety I felt evaporated. And while these are warm memories... and this time of my life was filled with joy, love and laughter, I see now that I missed out on so much... missed out on celebrating the birth of the Christ Child- the true reason for celebrating!

I discovered that there are many different customs for St. Nicholas Day. I read on the Fisheater's Website that

"Today is, for many Catholics, the day for gift-giving (some do this on Christmas, some do this on the Feast of the Epiphany in memory of the gifts the 3 Kings gave to Baby Jesus, and some spread the gift-giving out on all these days). In some places, especially in the Eastern Catholic churches, "St. Nicholas," dressed as a Bishop, will show up and hand out presents to the little ones, and children put their shoes in front of the fireplace to be filled with candy and presents by morning. Because coins are one of the many symbols of St. Nicholas, chocolate coins are a perfect thing to put in the childrens' shoes. One can use Christmas stockings instead of shoes, or one can buy adult-sized wooden shoes, paint and decorate them, and bring them out for use just on St. Nicholas's Day.

In any case, an icon -- even a nice Holy Card -- of St. Nicholas should be visible today if at all possible. Surround it with greenery and candles, and tell your children the story of the Saint Nicholas behind the "Santa Claus."

On St. Nicholas's Feast Day, it is customary to serve Speculaas cookies, a spicy Dutch cookie, cut into shapes relevant to the life of St. Nicholas (coins, mitres, ships, balls, money bags), and painted with colorful icing"

I also found an compelling blog, written by Father Steve Grunow which examines the constant struggle between Christians and Secularists. Click here to read: St. Nicholas and the War against Christmas.

And finally, just who was St. Nicholas? Check out this video that tells the true story of Santa Claus:

2nd Week of Advent

Happy 2nd Week of Advent. The Gospel from this week:

Gospel Mk 1:1-8

The beginning of the gospel of Jesus Christ the Son of God.

As it is written in Isaiah the prophet:

Behold, I am sending my messenger ahead of you;

he will prepare your way.

A voice of one crying out in the desert:

"Prepare the way of the Lord,

make straight his paths."

John the Baptist appeared in the desert

proclaiming a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins.

People of the whole Judean countryside

and all the inhabitants of Jerusalem

were going out to him

and were being baptized by him in the Jordan River

as they acknowledged their sins.

John was clothed in camel's hair,

with a leather belt around his waist.

He fed on locusts and wild honey.

And this is what he proclaimed:

"One mightier than I is coming after me.

I am not worthy to stoop and loosen the thongs of his sandals.

I have baptized you with water;

he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit." Amen

Pope Benedict as asked: “As we prepare for Christmas, it is important that we find time for self-contemplation and carry out an honest assessment of our lives."

I know in my heart of hearts that this is always a good thing to do... it's cleansing, it's uplifting and it's healthy. So with all these wonderful benefits, why does it make me uncomfortable? Just the fact that it does tells me that I need to get busy!