I used to be a "Mall Aficionado"... but in recent years, my need to shop shop shop has faded into a glimmer of what it used to be. I may get to "the mall" once or twice a year. I do shop at other areas, but going to "the mall" at any time, let alone a weekend is not something I want to do. However, I had to take the plunge today... my sister's birthday is this week and the gift she asked for is only to be found at "the mall".

And so I went. I parked in my regular area... near the lower level of Elder Beerman's near Macy's. I wandered in, and around the mall, avoiding aggressive cell phone salesmen. I found the gift I was there to buy, and I got myself a pretzel and soda. It was time to escape, and I headed back to Beerman's. Again, I avoided cell phone salesmen, sneered at the Pet Store selling puppies, and wandered into Beermans.

I found the exit to the parking lot and went out. It didn't look right, so I went back in and headed to the other exit. Again, it didn't look right. There was JC Penney's next to Beermans in this portion of the lot. I began to doubt my memory... perhaps I had parked here. But no.. my Explorer was nowhere to be found. It was easy to look... most other cars are smaller hybrid types, so my green dinosaur is easy to see. I wandered back into the store, seeking out a third exit.

By now, I was feeling disoriented and a little more than concerned. I was also reminded of the Seinfeld episode where Seinfeld, Kramer, George and Elaine can't find their car in a mall garage. It took them all sorts of mishaps, and they finally found the car hours later. This episode has always made me laugh, but I was not laughing this afternoon. Not finding a third exit, I wandered back in to the mall, and that's when I noticed the store sign. "Elder Beerman for Her". Hmmmm.... 'For HER?' I wondered what in the world was going on!

Finally the fog in my brain began to clear and I started figuring things out. This "Elder Beerman for HER" is new... it used to be Parisienne.. which must have closed.... so I wandered back through "FOR HER" and into mall... and after a long walk... again dodging those very annoying and tenacious cell phone salesmen, I found the "other" Elder Beerman and was soon gazing across the parking lot, filled with small hybrid types, and YES, my green dinosaur of a vehicle.