Be Not Afraid - St. Louis Jesuits & Bob Dufford, S.J.

Praying thanks for this Morning, turning my back on the darkness of night towards the light of day, the light of hope, the light of life and love.... All of which are the light of God!

It amuses me at times when I realize what a slow learner I am! I'm not necessarily slow all the time, but it seems that when learning some of life's important lessons, I'm horrifically slow! I've even blogged about this before, so one would think that I'd get it.... that I wouldn't continue to fail. The failure I'm speaking of is not epic... it's merely a result of being human, of being weak.

I recently heard or read (and Lord knows I wish I could remember the exact words) that to worry, is to sin. Those words made me sit up and take notice. Upon closer look however, I wonder... at these times, and I really worrying... or is my conscience speaking to me? My gut tells me the right answer is a combination of the two.

When my conscience is bothering me, I often wake up in the darkest point of night and begin to fret. The darkness of the night seems to nurture the anxiety, and I am soon in the clutches of panic and fear. At these times it's hard for me to remember to as God for help. I do pray... and usually fall into a restless sleep, relieved to hear the alarm and to "get away" from my anxious thoughts. And during these times, when I'm out with the dogs... I find comfort in looking to the eastern skies, where a beautiful pink glow is forming. The sun is rising... and soon the darkness has faded and the light of a new day gives me hope. The symbolism is obvious... the relief and comfort are real.

I recently read: "The Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches us the need to trust in God in our troubles, to pray humbly, without presumption but with hope, and not to give up when the answer doesn't seem to come."

From "The Catechism of the Catholic Church 2830 "Our bread": The Father who gives us life cannot not but give us the nourishment life requires - all appropriate goods and blessings, both material and spiritual. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus insists on the filial trust that cooperates with our Father's providence. He is not inviting us to idleness, but wants to relieve us from nagging worry and preoccupation. Such is the filial surrender of the children of God: To those who seek the kingdom of God and his righteousness, he has promised to give all else besides. Since everything indeed belongs to God, he who possesses God wants for nothing, if he himself is not found wanting before God."

From the New Testament: Matthew 6:25-27 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

Gary Zimak writes in "Does God Want Us To Worry?": "One of the most difficult problems that we must deal with in our earthly life is fear. We are anxious about many things and spend a lot of time worrying, often about events over which we have no control. In his initial speech as Holy Father, Pope John Paul II repeated the phrase “Be Not Afraid” three times. "

Which reminds me of one of my favorite hymns: "Be Not Afraid". Here are the lyrics of "Be Not Afraid" followed by a video:

You shall cross the barren desert,

but you shall not die of thirst.

You shall wander far in safety,

though you do not know the way.

You shall speak your words in foreign lands,

and all will understand,

You shall see the face of God and live.

Be not afraid,

I go before you always,

Come follow Me,

and I shall give you rest.

If you pass through raging waters

in the sea, you shall not drown.

If you walk amidst the burning flames,

you shall not be harmed.

If you stand before the pow’r of hell

and death is at your side,

know that I am with you, through it all

Be not afraid,

I go before you always,

Come follow Me,

and I shall give you rest.

Blessed are your poor,

for the Kingdom shall be theirs.

Blest are you that weep and mourn,

for one day you shall laugh.

And if wicked men insult and hate you, all because of Me,

blessed, blessed are you!

Be not afraid,

I go before you always,

Come follow Me,

and I shall give you rest.

Father,

Forgive me for my weaknesses... for my propensity for worry. Please lift me up, make me stronger so that I can be a better child of God...

Amen!

A Rosary VS. My Panic Attack: Rosary 1 - Panic Attack 0!!!

Panic!

I got a call I had been dreading!


I panicked!


I got all hot and bothered.


I got jittery and weepy.


I flew to the car… I must have looked like a mad woman.


I tried to breathe, I tried to calm myself.


Vague, rational thoughts struggled to take control.


Panic is so strong... adrenaline drives it.


Yet the rational, calming thoughts struggled against it.


I tried to concentrate on my driving…


My fingers flying on the radio dial.


Searching for distraction, anything would do.


Nothing worked.


Panic… I allowed myself to be its prisoner.

I was so weak… so human.


In desperation, I prayed


Dear God, I prayed… please help me.


I stopped at a light… frustrated, needing to get home.


I glanced out my window at the car next to me.


And as my eyes focused on the rosary hanging from the rearview mirror,


It stopped.


The panic weakened.


I remembered my faith.


I remembered to turn to Jesus, and lay my worries at His cross.


I breathed.


Calm replaced panic…


God was with me.


It was going to be alright.


It was alright!


Of course it was!


Thank you God, for your loving grace and for your loving mercy.


Amen.

Divine Mercy

It's during the night, when I am tossing and turning, that the demons of fear, anxiety and worry really do a number on me. I have vague haunting dreams that torment me until I awake distraught and traumatized. Usually, by the light of day, these "monsters" fade back in to their more "reasonable reality" and become manageable.

I have always had the horrible habit of "stuffing" things when I am worried or troubled. I avoid thinking about them during waking hours. So when I am sleeping, I am relaxed and unguarded, leaving the door wide open for these tormenting demons. I realize that I am not alone in this. And when I say that I am "not alone" I mean two entirely different things: 1) Most people are haunted at night by things that are bothering them; and 2) I am not alone because I have Jesus Christ in my heart, because I am a child of God.

With this past Sunday having been "Divine Mercy Sunday" I was very aware and curious to learn more about what this means. From EWTN's website (click here for a link) Divine Mercy is explained as:

During the course of Jesus' revelations to Saint Faustina on the Divine Mercy He asked on numerous occasions that a feast day be dedicated to the Divine Mercy and that this feast be celebrated on the Sunday after Easter. The liturgical texts of that day, the 2nd Sunday of Easter, concern the institution of the Sacrament of Penance, the Tribunal of the Divine Mercy, and are thus already suited to the request of Our Lord. This Feast, which had already been granted to the nation of Poland and been celebrated within Vatican City, was granted to the Universal Church by Pope John Paul II on the occasion of the canonization of Sr. Faustina on 30 April 2000. In a decree dated 23 May 2000, the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments stated that "throughout the world the Second Sunday of Easter will receive the name Divine Mercy Sunday, a perennial invitation to the Christian world to face, with confidence in divine benevolence, the difficulties and trials that mankind will experience in the years to come." These papal acts represent the highest endorsement that the Church can give to a private revelation, an act of papal infallibility proclaiming the certain sanctity of the mystic, and the granting of a universal feast, as requested by Our Lord to St. Faustina.

After learning about Divine Mercy Sunday, I had a much greater appreciation for what this wonderful feast means for all of us who love Jesus with all our hearts, and accept Him as their Lord and Saviour. And then I went on with my day. It was full, and great fun. We were with good friends on Sunday, celebrating the awesome achievements of one of their sons. The next day was my birthday. Having been raised in a family that makes a big deal over birthdays, I've always looked forward to my day. All in all, it was a good day. However there were disappointments along the day... and looking back now, a few days later... they were not worth the energy that I used in getting upset. During the course of the day, a few "worrisome" things occurred, but being determined to 'enjoy my day', I tried hard to pay them no mind.

So it is not surprising, that my dreams were troubled, and my sleep disturbed. And then, "it" happened. I saw an image of Jesus, very similar to the image at the beginning of this blog. It was the image of Divine Mercy. And I knew that it was meant for me. It was more than a picture... it was Jesus standing before me. The love in his eyes was amazing... the love and light coming from His body was dazzling.

I do not know if this is a vision, or a dream, or a both. I do know, however that the message was very real. It came through, loud and clear. It told me that I was not to fear.. that I was to trust in Jesus. It told me that Jesus was with me... walking with me through the valleys of despair and angst... as well as the peaks of joy and jubilation. And I recall feeling an amazing sense of peace. My dreams ceased to torment, and I slept a peaceful and nourishing sleep. Waking the next morning... I gave this no mind. I went on with my morning chores... and got ready for work. I was still vaguely bothered by things, but I somehow knew that they would "all work out".

It was not until later in the day when I suddenly remembered. And then I knew. I had, had a vision... or a dream. Jesus had come to me. I have friends who have told me stories of dreams they've had... where Jesus comes to them. And I've felt envy and awe upon hearing their stories. The awe at my own experience is incredible. The joy is amazing.

I am a child of God. I love Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ loves me. He is always with me... He walks with me on my path. He walks with all of us who have our hearts open to Him, and have accepted him.

Thanks be to God!